Sweet Jesus! Don’t believe what you read. Birth control methods have a much higher failure rate than advertised. For example, most oral contraceptives claim to have 0.3% failure rate but due to a number of factors the actual rates are 11 in 137.5 encounters resulting in pregnancy.
Those of you who aren’t sure what a .5 instance of a sexual encounter is, email me and I will send you a video.
Muhahaha. Now maybe the Manning for MVP talk can quiet down. Not only was he out performed by a handful of other quarterbacks (the same few guys beat him in nearly every stat category) during the regular season, but he also had mediocre playoff stats in their loss (even worse if you subtract the 72 TD he threw while the Chargers weren’t paying attention at all, he’d have less than 250 yards and NO TDs). Oh, and a couple of those quarterbacks are still in the playoffs.
The Bible warned us of the arrival of this giant foreheaded bastard. Check Revelations.
Now if only the other Manning would lose. Can’t have the Whore of Babylon’s little sister using the limelight of yet another Super Bowl to spread evil now can we?
update: We have been spared for now. Both of the mediocre Manning girls were sent home.
Now that Christmas (and the War on Christmas) is over, it’s time for a new battle.
This time, I’ve got my sights set on New Years. The unAmerican atheists have now started complaining about those of us who who blindly say “Happy New Years” to people without knowing their beliefs, calling us rude and offensive.
They claim that everyone sensible person knows that the Chinese calendar predates the Christian/Gregorian Calendar and that Chinese New Years this year is January 26. Isn’t stealing Christmas enough? I say to hell with them.
If you don’t respect my rights to say “Happy New Years” and you are reading this right now… FUCK YOU. I have the God-given right to wish anyone I want a Happy New Years and shoot off fireworks/firearms in my house and get so drunk I don’t know where I’m sticking it. Kiss my Dec 31/Jan 1 Happy New Years ass.
for sending one of your loyal servents to help fight the worst sin of all. The 7th commandment is unfortunately the most often ignored…
Thou shall not talk, clap and/or otherwise be obnoxious at a movie theater.
The answer to my prayers came in the form of James Joseph Cialella of Philly. He was trying to watch a little bit o The Curious Case of Benjamin Button on Christmas Day. Some guy and his kids couldn’t shut up during the movie even after being asked to do so.
Because most theater talkers are 50% mouth and 50% asshole, they never shut up. No matter how nicely you ask…
The frustrated Jimmy Pop remembered that he was blessed with the gift of a .380 and he used it will convince them to quiet down. After the noisy (and wounded) father left the theater (along with some other flighty movie goers), Jimmy was able to continue watching the movie.
Well, at least until police showed up to take him and his gun downtown.
Anyone interested in helping me start a legal defense fund for the good Mr. Cialella should email me at
STFU-Iamtryingtowatchamovie[AT]passingjudgement.com.
CNN interviewed a crazy person about the whole Jesus’s MILF on a Playboy mag that was released in Mexico earlier this month.
The guy’s name was Father Cutie. This guy’s name isn’t the only ridiculous thing abou him…
He told the interviewer that:
Listen, there’s no doubt that she’s a beautiful woman. But a stained-glass window and the veil that looks like that, certainly there’s a reference to Mary. Whoever tells you there isn’t is simply being hypocritical or not very honest.
Umm, I’ve never seen a photo of the Virgin Mary so I may not be an expert on this but I think that the good Father Cutie is being hypocritical and dishonest.
As for his dishonest, I’m pretty sure he knows that Virgin Mary has never posed in front of a stained glass window. At best, he could claim the woman in the photo is in reference to a nun.
Plus he should also know that the Virgin Mary was never inside of a church. The closest she got was the door of the Tabernacle when she dropped off her sin-offering for giving birth to Jesus. So again, how could a half nude woman in a church with stained glass windows be a reference to the Virgin Mary?
Maybe if she was standing outside of the church and holding a pigeon of a turtledove I’d say he was on to something, but as it stands I think he is just making shit up.
Oh, and as for Cutie being hypocritical (and others who were offended)… If you look at a Playboy (or another mag or a video or a in the flesh person or an animal or your washing machine while on spin cycle I guess) and think sexual thoughts, you are committing a sin and you should have plucked out your eyes so they could cause you to sin no more. I watched the video of the interview and this guy totally had eyes in his head.
I can’t really trust what Father Cutie says though because he is a clergyman talk show host, which makes him a prostitute scandal and a wife with bad eye make-up (and a worse 80s hair-do) away from being a televangelist.
