The Brick Testament

If you aren’t familiar with the Brick Testament, you should be. Although not complete, it is hands down the best translation of the Bible. You don’t have to be a scholar or even a fan of the Bible to understand the Brick Testament and its beauty.

Think of it as the Lord’s Legos. Someone took the time to explain nearly 400 Bible stories via 4100+ illustrations made out of lego blocks. They do a great job representing the scripture they reference and do enough to mix in just a little bit of humor to an otherwise dry text.

Some of my favorite Brick Testament stories are:
Genesis 19:30-36 (aka The Seduction of Lot)
Genesis 22:1-14 (aka I was only kidding when I told you to kill your kid)
Deuteronomy 22:23-29 (aka The Rules of Rape)
Luke 12:51-52, Luke 14:26, Matthew 10:35 (aka Teachings of Jesus on Family)
Matthew 6:5-6, Matthew6:9-13 (aka Teachings of Jesus on Prayer)

What’s your favorite Brick Script? Do you know of a better Bible translation?

Telling Your Children “No”

It’s that time of year again. And with the economy like it is the gift giving might not be what it usually is. It’s hard to tell your children that they can’t have all the things you wish you could give them but sometimes you have to. Let’s be honest, kids are used to it on some level. I know when I was younger I wanted pretty much the entire Sears catalog.

This year might be a little different though due to layoffs and unemployment. Times are tough. How do you handle it? How do you decide what to buy and what on Santa’s Christmas list doesn’t make it under the tree? It’s not easy.

I looked back at the Bible for guidance on this one. One quote that you should remind your children of is Philipians 4:11. Telling your children to be happy with what they have is the easy part though. Dealing with your own feelings of guilt that were unable to provide everything your children wanted is a different story.

To resolve those feelings, I think back on the Bible to help remind me of the importance of telling your children “No” and setting boundaries as to what they should and should not expect. The story of Lot and his failure to deal with his daughters does a great job illustrating the point.

Instead of paraphrasing the Bible, I’ll just let the New Living Translation do that for me.

Genesis 19:31-36
31 One day the older daughter said to her sister, “There are no men left anywhere in this entire area, so we can’t get married like everyone else. And our father will soon be too old to have children. 32 Come, let’s get him drunk with wine, and then we will have sex with him. That way we will preserve our family line through our father.”

33 So that night they got him drunk with wine, and the older daughter went in and had intercourse with her father. He was unaware of her lying down or getting up again.

34 The next morning the older daughter said to her younger sister, “I had sex with our father last night. Let’s get him drunk with wine again tonight, and you go in and have sex with him. That way we will preserve our family line through our father.” 35 So that night they got him drunk with wine again, and the younger daughter went in and had intercourse with him. As before, he was unaware of her lying down or getting up again.

36 As a result, both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their own father.

I guess this is also good example of why you shouldn’t get drunk with your kids, even if you only have basic cable and you’re lonely because your wife turned into a pillar of salt.

Evil Christmas Tree Incites Violence

God warned us all about the evil now known as the Christmas Tree.

“Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not.” - Jeremiah 10:2-4 (KJV)

We are are a strange animal though and we do not heed His warnings. We even go a step further and buy artificial trees from Chinese sweat shops because evil trees made from the blood and tears of others apparently are better than a good old fashioned real heathen tree that our parents used to use.

I for one will not partake in this terrible ritual. I especially can’t do so now after reading about how an evil Christmas Tree caused a man to attack his elderly parents, using the tree as a weapon. The police report does not mention why 37 year-old Thomas Edward Lackie of Parrish Florida decided to attack his Read more »

Stylish Stones and Pagan Purses

I was buzzing through the news and found out that Thomas Burberry (founder of Burberry) had a huge set of stones. That and he was apparently a heathen.

According to an article on The DailyMail, a couple who owned a mansion built buy Thomas Burberry discovered a stone circle on the property and moved it with them when they moved to a smaller home (smaller reads roughly $1,000,000 USD). The couple (John the Druid and Suky the Witch) decided to take the 6+ foot tall monoliths with them because the property developer who bought their old property was otherwise going to get rid of them.

Back to the pagan purses… Incognito pagans should in America should all wear/carry a bit of Burberry as a secret symbol that they aren’t kicking it with the Abrahamics, kind of like what that chick did in the book “The Scarlet Letter” so people in the know could recognize she was a fun date.

Ebay Cyber Monday Cyber Crimes

“And if you sell anything to your neighbor or buy from your neighbor, you shall not wrong one another.” - Leviticus 25:14 (AMP)

Ebay is running an insane Cyber Monday deal. They are randomly putting different items out each day for $1 Buy It Now and free shipping. Today’s items are 50 Nintendo Wii Systems, 40 Juicy Couture Day Dreamers bags, and 1 2009 C6 Corvette. A Wii for $1 is nice. A Corvette would be even better.

Bring your bot/scripts though. You will otherwise have a pretty slim chance of finding a deal. Many of the auctions are being sold with 0 page views and I’ve seen one that sold in 4 seconds from the time of listing. Not bad considering you have to load 1 page to see the auction listing, 1 page to see the auction page, and another page to confirm your bid. Even with no latency, you’d still be hard pressed to get 3 page loads with sensible clicks in 4 seconds.

If you’re feeling lucky, go to their DoorBusters page. There are still 7 more days worth of deals left.

The method they are listing their special deals is a little hectic. It’s basically the first person who can buy the item gets it, and you have to be lightning fast to win. This unfortunately has led to scammers running bogus auctions preying on people’s sense of urgency.

The most successful scammer of the day is a user named “Charles Fairchild” of Waynesville, Mo. Considering Waynesville is a town of 3500 people, it is probably the same Charles Fairchild as this guy on myspace (or that guy’s son Chuckie Jr). Anyways, long story short he listed a phony auction to catch people who were trying to jump these doorbuster deals. Two minutes and 4996 transactions later, his auction was stopped. Read more »