By BILLYJACKS
Obama Wants My Wife But Not My Vote
I think Barack Obama is obsessed with my wife. This weekend I’ve fielded three phone calls from Obama/Democrat call centers for my wife who magically was busy showering, shopping, or otherwise out of the house. This morning I was even greeted by a ringing doorbell (again, while my wife was in the shower) from someone wanting to speak to my wife about early voting and who her candidate of choice was…
They were only interested in her… Not once did anyone want to know if I had voted yet or who I was voting for. They even had me on the phone or on the doorstep. It would have been easy, they could have pretended to be interested and asked. But nooooo… I don’t have breasticles or the other lady parts so they didn’t want to chat me up.
So, if any other party wants my vote just give me a desparate phone call or 3. Maybe have someone knock on my door and make small talk with me. Please. You still have a a little time left. Email me and I’ll give you my cell phone number in case you call the house and I’m not there. Don’t worry about being a major party either. I think my state has about a dozen people as options for President on the ballot so I don’t even have to learn how to type your name in on those satanic computerized voting machines.
I’m still not sure who I’m voting for yet. If you want my vote, just give me a call… Please. I wanna drink the koolaid. I want it so bad. Tell me something sexy to woo me over to your side. I don’t care what check boxes you marked on the census form (apparently some people do). Tell me to vote for your guy because the library has proof that other guy is a scary arab or that if I support your candidate I’ll never have to worry about putting gas in my car or paying my mortgage. Tell me you’ll give me a little sugar. Maybe woo me with a good celebrity endorsement or two. Please give me something. I’m begging you. Just don’t mace me.
Don’t insult me though. I’m a presidential campaign support slut, not a presidential campaign support whore. I don’t take money or bribes for a vote. Instead I just want to be your friend (an ambassadorship wouldn’t hurt either since apparently those don’t count as bribes). If you’re the type of candidate who likes campaign support whores, check ebay. The best part is that you get choice on states, like Illinois, Tennessee, New Jersey, and Arizona.
Edit: Ebay pulled those auctions I mentioned within 90 minutes of me posting this. Well, all but the last one I listed (Arizona) because it was already finished with zero bids. Strange considering the auctions were listed the day before I posted them. If they were watching for them, they would have found them before I did.
