The War On New Years

Now that Christmas (and the War on Christmas) is over, it’s time for a new battle.

This time, I’ve got my sights set on New Years. The unAmerican atheists have now started complaining about those of us who who blindly say “Happy New Years” to people without knowing their beliefs, calling us rude and offensive.

They claim that everyone sensible person knows that the Chinese calendar predates the Christian/Gregorian Calendar and that Chinese New Years this year is January 26. Isn’t stealing Christmas enough? I say to hell with them.

If you don’t respect my rights to say “Happy New Years” and you are reading this right now… FUCK YOU. I have the God-given right to wish anyone I want a Happy New Years and shoot off fireworks/firearms in my house and get so drunk I don’t know where I’m sticking it. Kiss my Dec 31/Jan 1 Happy New Years ass.

Telling Your Children “No”

It’s that time of year again. And with the economy like it is the gift giving might not be what it usually is. It’s hard to tell your children that they can’t have all the things you wish you could give them but sometimes you have to. Let’s be honest, kids are used to it on some level. I know when I was younger I wanted pretty much the entire Sears catalog.

This year might be a little different though due to layoffs and unemployment. Times are tough. How do you handle it? How do you decide what to buy and what on Santa’s Christmas list doesn’t make it under the tree? It’s not easy.

I looked back at the Bible for guidance on this one. One quote that you should remind your children of is Philipians 4:11. Telling your children to be happy with what they have is the easy part though. Dealing with your own feelings of guilt that were unable to provide everything your children wanted is a different story.

To resolve those feelings, I think back on the Bible to help remind me of the importance of telling your children “No” and setting boundaries as to what they should and should not expect. The story of Lot and his failure to deal with his daughters does a great job illustrating the point.

Instead of paraphrasing the Bible, I’ll just let the New Living Translation do that for me.

Genesis 19:31-36
31 One day the older daughter said to her sister, “There are no men left anywhere in this entire area, so we can’t get married like everyone else. And our father will soon be too old to have children. 32 Come, let’s get him drunk with wine, and then we will have sex with him. That way we will preserve our family line through our father.”

33 So that night they got him drunk with wine, and the older daughter went in and had intercourse with her father. He was unaware of her lying down or getting up again.

34 The next morning the older daughter said to her younger sister, “I had sex with our father last night. Let’s get him drunk with wine again tonight, and you go in and have sex with him. That way we will preserve our family line through our father.” 35 So that night they got him drunk with wine again, and the younger daughter went in and had intercourse with him. As before, he was unaware of her lying down or getting up again.

36 As a result, both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their own father.

I guess this is also good example of why you shouldn’t get drunk with your kids, even if you only have basic cable and you’re lonely because your wife turned into a pillar of salt.

They’re Fools for Christ Sake

I know it probably isn’t fair, but when I am in public and I hear someone prosthelyzing I typically think that that person is worthy of a scholarship to the laughing academy. To be honest, I extend that even further than to just those who are prosthelyzing.

Today while out for lunch someone at a table near us was randomly and repeatedly singing verses of rock and roll gospel. She may have been singing to herself, but she was singing at the same volume level most people speak in a normal conversation. There might be 20 seconds between lines, or their could be 2 or 3 minutes.The quantity of noise coming out of this woman was inversely relative to distance her fork traveled. I’m pretty sure she was insane.

Seriously, most people who sing aloud in public (who aren’t being paid and/or otherwise expected to do so) are. I’m going to extend that same statement for people who approach complete strangers to discuss the correlation of their Bible reading and the fact that they have yet to be striken down by their loving god.

I was stumbling through youtube and found a video of a University of Florida student who apparently had been asked by the Lord to spread a message. There were no mountains nearby to go tell it on so instead she used the vantage point of her 4th story dorm room window.

Maybe I’m wrong (along with the police and EMTs who carted her off). Who am I to say she really didn’t hear the voice of God? Maybe she didn’t hear a voice but was in some other way mandated by her creator to spread the message that you aren’t supposed to masturbate? Maybe the guy at the donut shop and his devoted Bible reading did convince God to instead suffer Turkey an earthquake instead of leveling his house?

Maybe I doubt them and write them off as crazy because I’m jealous because I don’t have a direct line to the big guy upstairs… Of the many times I’ve shouted out the window about masturbation, only one time was it because a bearded man told me to do so. And his name was Dave and I’m pretty sure he isn’t a supernatural entity. And as for threatening others with newspaper headlines, I reserve that action soley for the family pet.

Investing During A Global Financial Crisis

Let’s face it folks, the financial markets are looking pretty scary.

Do you keep money in the stock market hoping that this was rock bottom and tomorrow will be brighter? Do you sell now and put your money in a bank that is offering a fixed interest rate? Do you keep contributing to your 401k when the market seems to be losing 10% a week (or more)?

Before you make a frenzied knee jerk decision that does more harm than good(like passing a pork filled $700 billion bailout to reward bad business practices), read these important tips for smart investing during a global financial crisis:

1) Don’t pull money from a risky market to put in riskier banks – The market is taking a nose dive in large part due to banks failing. Instead, pull money out of a risky market and put it into board games like Risk. Risk takes forever to play and when you and most of your friends lose your jobs, you’re going to have a lot of free time.

2) Don’t hold cash thinking the dollar is gaining strength – The dollar is inching up versus some foreign currency but that is actually an illusion. Those currencies are dropping to our level, we aren’t raising to theirs. Also, lots of people talk about stashing cash under their mattress. TERRIBLE IDEA. If the sherriff comes and locks up your house because you’ve been foreclosed on, how do you expect to get to your mattress?

3) Invest in metals – Metals are increasing in value. Don’t trust buying paper that says you own gold. On the same hand, don’t trust your home security system or bank in protecting your investment into metals. Instead, buy brass, copper, or zinc. It’s price doesn’t bounce like gold does and a smart brass shopper knows it can be dually functional. It’s called a bullet. They come in various shapes and sizes. If you are buying in large bulk, I’d suggest NATO rounds. They can be sold in pretty much any country on the planet.

4) Invest in children – As the song goes, they are our future. They are great sources of cheap labor and require less food/water to survive than a full grown adult. No matter what happens to the ecomony, there is always a market to sell them if need be.

5) Invest in a good food dehydrator – Hard times are coming. Properly dehydrated and stored food can last 10 to 30 years. Your friends and family might think your crazy, but they’ll realize their mistake when they are standing in a soup line for hours and your at home sipping your own soup.

PASSINGJUDGEMENT.COM PROVIDES NO WARRANTY/GUARANTEE ON ANY FINANCIAL INFORMATION PROVIDED HERE OR ANY OTHER DAMN PLACE FOR THAT MATTER. I’M ONLY SLIGHTLY BETTER AT SPENDING YOUR MONEY THAN THE GOVERNMENT. PLEASE SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR SPOUSE BEFORE MAKING ANY SERIOUS FINANCIAL DECISIONS. IT’S THE ECONOMY STUPID.

Exploiting Children for Obama

Sorry, I couldn’t think of a good title for this article. If I think of something that catches more attention and is more misleading tomorrow, I’ll change it (I learned that method from FauxNews).

Yesterday a creepy video of children being led in songs about the Amazing Obama got extra attention in the news. Unfortunately the little grassroots group that put it out made the video private within the last 24 hours due to the fact that people think it’s creepy. (Oops, while I was writing this they made it public again but removed the names of people who helped produce it)

They forgot to pull or make private the copy they put on AOL/webcastr. If they pull the youtube version again, I’m guessing this on will still stay online.

The the link to it from the official Obama campaign site was also recently (within the last 24 hours) removed…
Here is the google search result (item #1 on the list).
Thank god for google cache, it still shows up.
Now you see it and now you don’t.

I wonder what they blacked out on that sign. My guess is that the sign said something like “Vote for Barack Obama for Messiah”… Again, it’s hard to say with that all blocked out like that.

There was some debate on who helped out in making this little video… When originally posted, it included a list of names of people who pitched in effort (see the removed but cached entry on Obama’s Official Campaign site). The youtube video does not currently show the list of helping hands for this video…

The names listed were:
Jeff Zucker
Holly Schiffer
Peter Rosenfeld
Darin Moran
Jean Martin
Andy Blumenthal
Nick Phoenix
Ted Schilowitz

The name that caused some buzz was Jeff Zucker. People were thinking that it was NBC Universal’s Jeff Zucker, which would have made this thing a little stickier. Supposedly an NBC spokesperson has contacted a few big sites to say that it isn’t the Jeff Zucker.

While not quite as creepy as Jesus Camp, this is still a little odd. Well, except that scary lady from Jesus camp didn’t start out with the intentions of turning the kids into a commercial. In the youtube comments, the music teacher (who posted the video and wrote one of the songs) admits that the kids don’t understand politics. Her words are were: “You are exactly right that children don’t know about political issues, and for me, that’s the point, they are our teachers…”

Of course, if you think that’s bad then don’t even watch this…