Here he is having to give thanks for being saved from an impromptu gender re-assignment surgery performed by Dr. Canine. According to the seller of this beautiful piece of Mexican folk art, the text translates to:

“Ramon Telles was bitten in the testicles by his girlfriend’s dog. He gives thanks to el Señor de Chalma that they were not bitten off and he is still a man.”

I wish I had more cash to really start collecting these things. I’ve only got one right now. You could fix that for me though and buy this one for me. Check out the nifty ebay widget below. I’m testing out using these ebay “To Go” things so I’m not suggesting you check out a dead auction. Anyways, click on widget to see more lovely detailed pictures of poor Ramon’s girlfriend’s dog doing some serious cockblocking.

Speaking of Jesus and Rockets and kicking ass, someone on Ebay is selling a fantastic DOMA Astronaut Jesus Print. If you don’t know about DOMA and Astronaut Jesus, read the Bible. Oh yeah, and search online for the toys.

Since I’m stll temporarily swearing off ebay purchases I’d strongly suggest you buy this. If you don’t want it, buy and and then see if the seller will gift wrap it so you can send it to me.

But here is the problem you see… After I do some weeding, I find more room to put things I do want. So now there are empty spots in my house where things like this

or this

What makes these so great you say…

Are they valuable? Probably not. Are they tacky? Probably so. Are they Jesusy? DEFINITELY. And that is why I must have them.

It’s vicious cycle. For now I’ve vowed it off. No buying on ebay. Not until I’m competely finished with my purge. And of course, these items will have found new homes by the time I’m ready to start purchasing. It’s quite sad. But I’ll manage. Luckily for me ebay has a lot of stuff (and I have poor taste).

But wait. You could buy them for me. Wouldn’t that be grand? If you do, I’ll send you a custom prayer. If you get both of them for me, the prayer might even include ritualistic animal sacrafice. If you want to buy them for me, just click the pictures…

Thanks in advance.

“A parent is worn to a frazzle by a stupid child; a nagging spouse is a leaky faucet.” – Proverbs 19:13 (The Message)

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” – Ephesians 5:22-24 (KJV)

“If a woman living with her husband makes a vow or obligates herself by a pledge under oath and her husband hears about it but says nothing to her and does not forbid her, then all her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand. But if her husband nullifies them when he hears about them, then none of the vows or pledges that came from her lips will stand. Her husband has nullified them, and the LORD will release her. ” – Numbers 30:10-12 (TNIV)

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” – Colossians 3:18 (KJV)

“I say to you: whoever dismisses (repudiates, divorces) his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. The disciples said to Him, If the case of a man with his wife is like this, it is neither profitable nor advisable to marry.” – Matthew 19:9-10 (AMP)

If you enjoyed these lovely Bible quotes about marriage, you too might also enjoy a beautiful retablo about marriage and forgiveness that is currently being offered on eBay. Oh, that or you could buy it and send it to me. Thanks in advance…

It supposedly translates roughly to:

“When in a rage, Enedina Romero fought with her husband and hit him in the head with a stick, she regretted making him bleed, and she prayed to San pascualito. Her husband healed quick and she gives thanks.”

The guy’s name was Father Cutie. This guy’s name isn’t the only ridiculous thing abou him…

He told the interviewer that:

Listen, there’s no doubt that she’s a beautiful woman. But a stained-glass window and the veil that looks like that, certainly there’s a reference to Mary. Whoever tells you there isn’t is simply being hypocritical or not very honest.

Umm, I’ve never seen a photo of the Virgin Mary so I may not be an expert on this but I think that the good Father Cutie is being hypocritical and dishonest.

As for his dishonest, I’m pretty sure he knows that Virgin Mary has never posed in front of a stained glass window. At best, he could claim the woman in the photo is in reference to a nun.

Plus he should also know that the Virgin Mary was never inside of a church. The closest she got was the door of the Tabernacle when she dropped off her sin-offering for giving birth to Jesus. So again, how could a half nude woman in a church with stained glass windows be a reference to the Virgin Mary?

Maybe if she was standing outside of the church and holding a pigeon of a turtledove I’d say he was on to something, but as it stands I think he is just making shit up.

Oh, and as for Cutie being hypocritical (and others who were offended)… If you look at a Playboy (or another mag or a video or a in the flesh person or an animal or your washing machine while on spin cycle I guess) and think sexual thoughts, you are committing a sin and you should have plucked out your eyes so they could cause you to sin no more. I watched the video of the interview and this guy totally had eyes in his head.

I can’t really trust what Father Cutie says though because he is a clergyman talk show host, which makes him a prostitute scandal and a wife with bad eye make-up (and a worse 80s hair-do) away from being a televangelist.