Passing Judgement » I Have This

Plastic Jesus

billyjacks — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 06:25:44 +0000

I’ve sort of started Saint Billy’s Home for the Homeless Holy Statuary. If I’m at a thrift shop, the Virgin Mary and her unwanted baby Jesus end up coming to stay at my place. If you know of any homeless idols, point them my way.

They take up space (on display of course) in different areas of the house. In the kitchen above my microwave I have a shelf where I keep all our spices and chunk of my “Plastic Jesus” collection. They aren’t all plastic and they aren’t all Jesus, which is why I tossed the quotes up in the sentence before.

Sugar & Spice & Everything ~~Nice~~ Holy…

The Flaming Lips cover is probably my favorite but since there has to be an original, then this must be it…

St Cornelius and Angel of Corn

billyjacks — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 17:03:18 +0000

I’m a huge fan of St Cornelius, Corn, Cream Corn, popcorn, and even hominy so I figured I would share yet another picture from my collection of beautiful religious items. My spanish isn’t very good and I was very drunk the entire time I was in Mexico when I bought this, but I’m pretty sure they guy who sold it to me said it was a 16th century carving of St Cornelius, the Patron Saint of Cream Corn.

Anyways, here goes…

One of my Catholic friends told me that this thing had nothing to do with Saint/Pope Cornelius. He said it kind of looked like some weird Day of the Dead angel at a family reunion. How is he supposed to understand the artist’s inspiration when the piece was created?

That guy can be a real buzzkill sometimes. Not like Buzzkill the tv show though. Oh, and speaking of television… I wish I could watch tv while at work so I didn’t miss the inauguration. This thing is huge, and I’m missing it. No seriously.

Easter Dinner Crucifix

billyjacks — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 22:41:08 +0000

Another day, another holy relic.

So after sharing photos of my beautiful Velvet Jesus In Space painting, I thought it was high time to share another one of my decorative deities.

Todays pick is the function-and-form Easter Dinner Crucifix.

The guy who sold it to me told me said that the flatware was used at the “last dinner”. I’m not sure if that is the same as the “Last Supper” or not… Either way, this wonderful piece was well worth the $120 I paid for it.

Jesus Has Left the Building

billyjacks — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 17:39:57 +0000

In my book, the only thing better than a giant tacky black velvet Elvis painting is a giant tacky black velvet Jesus painting. Luckily for me, I found god at a nearby auction house and after a little bit of a bid war I was the victor.

This thing takes up quite a bit of real estate on my wall. The painting itself is 36″ by 24″ and the frame probably adds about 3″ all the way around, which I’m pretty sure is life size (the Bible doesn’t say how tall Jesus was so for all you know it could be, shut up).

This particular depiction of Astronaut Jesus appears to be staring off into space pondering the great mysteries of the universe. My guess is that he is wondering why Earth girls are easy, especially the ones who use MySpace and Xanga.

See the look in his eyes. He’s clearly in deep thought.

You can read it in his face and almost hear his voice… “Did I really die on the cross so loose women could use subpar social networking tools to hook up or otherwise flirt with strangers?” Trust me, I’ve seen that face before. It’s either that or he’s trying to remember where he left the keys.