I was buzzing through the news and found out that Thomas Burberry (founder of Burberry) had a huge set of stones. That and he was apparently a heathen.
According to an article on The DailyMail, a couple who owned a mansion built buy Thomas Burberry discovered a stone circle on the property and moved it with them when they moved to a smaller home (smaller reads roughly $1,000,000 USD). The couple (John the Druid and Suky the Witch) decided to take the 6+ foot tall monoliths with them because the property developer who bought their old property was otherwise going to get rid of them.
Back to the pagan purses… Incognito pagans should in America should all wear/carry a bit of Burberry as a secret symbol that they aren’t kicking it with the Abrahamics, kind of like what that chick did in the book “The Scarlet Letter” so people in the know could recognize she was a fun date.
In Texas a former middle school math teacher was arrested for sending a 14 year-old boy topless photos of herself. She supposedly met him at the church where is also a Sunday school teacher. 27 year-old Victoria Ann Chacon gave the boy a cell phone that included the photos of her naughty bits and raunchy love letters that his parents didn’t like too much.
Most guys high five each other just hearing a story like this. Good for him, right? Wrong. Did you see that ugly toad? I understand not every kid is going to land a Debra LaFave or a Pamela Rogers Turner. I understand that Sunday schools offer limited choices in ladies who want to sex up the kids. Take what you can get, right? Still, that lady is gross.
Watch for the guy in red. He is out of control. Full on dive into the police at 10 seconds. Sucker punches another clergy member in the face at second 16. Nice. I’m pretty sure with all the ripped robes the local Jo-Ann Fabric is making out like a bandit.
If church was like this I’m pretty sure I’d wake up a little bit earlier on Sundays. It reminds me of this lovely painting I saw on ebay of Jesus puking in an alley because he is offended by the sight of a mob of children attacking a homeless person. If you are wondering what to get me for Christmas, search no more…
God Bless Ebay and all the kookie artsy people who post $750 paintings of Jesus vomiting.
It’s time for Stock Market Limbo boys and girls!
All apologies to Chubby Checker and the Limbo Rock – the song below is set to the same beat and pattern (and will probably change as I get more time to work on it and/or get better suggestions).
Every limbo boy and girl
Markets in limbo around the world
Gonna do the limbo stocks
All around the market drops
Market be in limbo, Market drop quick
Market go unda limbo stick
All around the market drops
Should we sell these limbo stocks
Limbo lower now
Limbo lower now
How low can it go?
First you spread your limbo cheeks,
Your ass the market limbo beats.
Market Bailout please spare me,
Can’t retire till I’m ninety-three!
Market be in limbo, Market drop quick
401k go unda limbo stick
All around the market drops
Should I vote John or Barack?
Fall-al-al
Fall-al-al
Fall-al-al
Don’t become a limbo churl
Give that limbo market a whirl
Fed cut rates on the money
That no bank will loan to me.
Market be in limbo, market drop quick
Retirement plan unda limbo stick
All around the market drops
Soon I be living in a box
401ks cut in half
That’s some scary ass math
How low can it go?
FoxNews.com is my favorite “news” source. There is no news, just Op Ed. FoxNews is the best because they use the dumbest headlines ever. Unfortunately they don’t sell stupid shirts like CNN does.
Umm, duh. They all do that. Don’t worry though, it will all clear up in about 35 years or so.
It makes me wonder where those doctors are from? That and if they all were out sick on that day in the 5th grade when they split up the boys and girls to make them watch those great videos called “How My Junk Works.” In their defense, I guess this girl bleeds a little different than most others.
This reminds me of two of my favorite Ghandi quotes (which may nor may not be Ghandi quotes but they are attributed to him on many a website)…
“I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers.”
and
“Don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.”
