Obama Wants My Wife But Not My Vote
I think Barack Obama is obsessed with my wife. This weekend I’ve fielded three phone calls from Obama/Democrat call centers for my wife who magically was busy showering, shopping, or otherwise out of the house. This morning I was even greeted by a ringing doorbell (again, while my wife was in the shower) from someone wanting to speak to my wife about early voting and who her candidate of choice was…
They were only interested in her… Not once did anyone want to know if I had voted yet or who I was voting for. They even had me on the phone or on the doorstep. It would have been easy, they could have pretended to be interested and asked. But nooooo… I don’t have breasticles or the other lady parts so they didn’t want to chat me up.
So, if any other party wants my vote just give me a desparate phone call or 3. Maybe have someone knock on my door and make small talk with me. Please. You still have a a little time left. Email me and I’ll give you my cell phone number in case you call the house and I’m not there. Don’t worry about being a major party either. I think my state has about a dozen people as options for President on the ballot so I don’t even have to learn how to type your name in on those satanic computerized voting machines.
I’m still not sure who I’m voting for yet. If you want my vote, just give me a call… Please. I wanna drink the koolaid. I want it so bad. Tell me something sexy to woo me over to your side. I don’t care what check boxes you marked on the census form (apparently some people do). Tell me to vote for your guy because the library has proof that other guy is a scary arab or that if I support your candidate I’ll never have to worry about putting gas in my car or paying my mortgage. Tell me you’ll give me a little sugar. Maybe woo me with a good celebrity endorsement or two. Please give me something. I’m begging you. Just don’t mace me.
Don’t insult me though. I’m a presidential campaign support slut, not a presidential campaign support whore. I don’t take money or bribes for a vote. Instead I just want to be your friend (an ambassadorship wouldn’t hurt either since apparently those don’t count as bribes). If you’re the type of candidate who likes campaign support whores, check ebay. The best part is that you get choice on states, like Illinois, Tennessee, New Jersey, and Arizona.
Edit: Ebay pulled those auctions I mentioned within 90 minutes of me posting this. Well, all but the last one I listed (Arizona) because it was already finished with zero bids. Strange considering the auctions were listed the day before I posted them. If they were watching for them, they would have found them before I did.
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By Kingpin , November 3, 2008 @ 11:57 am
Goodness.. Is Ebay watching you like a hawk? How did they pull those items so fast!
I think you might be visited by some people in black suburbans.. Of course, maybe since GM is so on the fritz.. the Illuminati may of switched to some other vehicle that will have a warranty worth something in two years (after GM collapses)..
By billyjacks , November 3, 2008 @ 12:28 pm
It does seem like a strange coincidence. I’m wearing my tinfoil hat now just in case.
They don’t do the black suburbans anymore. They need to fit in and most people will remember seeing 2 black suburbans in the same place due to the scarcity of those gas hogs being on the road. They probably drive VW soccor mom vans. VW is doing well stock wise which also covers your warranty theory.
By Kingpin , November 3, 2008 @ 1:00 pm
They just swiped my comment.. I’m scared to go to your site now.. I wrote up a whole thing on Governor Palin and her hunting trip with the “Masked Avengers”
..
and poof..
it never appeared..
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/us_elections_2008/7704666.stm
By Kingpin , November 3, 2008 @ 2:20 pm
Are you alives still? The Helicopter article is gone!!! Hopefully, they don’t swoop down and remove my pretty self from existence…
Oh.. I thought of something..
http://www.factcheck.org/elections-2008/obamas_trade_trickery.html
Why do companies that close plants in the U.S. always use the excuse.. “new technology” forcing them to shut plants down. Who developed the technology? Don’t we have some part in development in the U.S.??? I know China, India, and Europe are starting to become engineer power houses.. But is it not the case that we do have some designers & engineers here in the U.S. coming up with products?
I think the Corning company should shove a CRT up their *ss and refit the factory for LCD and plasma manufacturing.. But.. it’s okay.. some stockholders are so much happier now that they figured out how to close a plant in the U.S. without shipping a job overseas.. it obviously isn’t the same thing when you us the “new techonology” cop out…